hypocrisy...
Picture this:-small town India,a respectable family with good values and the hero of our story,a guy who's a 'good boy',or better put,a boy who's been conditioned to become good,someone who's socially accepted and respected as a 'decent' guy.....
Now,you might ask for an elaboration on the word 'decent'....
To put it bluntly,most of us use it to describe a guy in relation to his behaviour with the fairer sex..
So,our hero,the 'decent' guy is quintessentially someone who'd not ogle at girls,rarely engage in cheap talk about girls or more aptly,rarely engage in talks to girls altogether,try not to watch certain tv channels at home and of course(it's the clincher),marry the girl his parents choose for him....(at least thats how its done in the so called small-towns)
In this post,the author would like to concentrate on the first and the last attributes mentioned above....
Zoom into 2011,our hero has reached marriageable age and is taken to meet the family of the girl mommy and daddy dearest have chosen for him...
mind you,the 'decent' guy has never ogled at girls(however hot they might have been),talked rarely to girls even in the company of family,leave alone talking to them solo...
Zeroing in onto the current scene,here it is...a frame straight out of bollywood movie/saas-bahu serial(take your pick :D )
Our 'hero' is sitting between his parents,who are a proud set,the pride of their son's achievements very much evident on their faces...
"he doesn't even touch alcohol" the father beams with pride while saying this,notwithstanding the fact that he himself drinks like a fish...
the mother goes on to add"IIT mein toh first attempt mein hi select ho gaya tha hamara manu" again notwithstanding the fact that 'manu' hates being called by his pet name in public,not to mention the discomfort he feels when his mom waxes eloquent on his son's achievements in front of others...
Nevertheless,he dismisses all of those with an uneasy smile....
Enter the girl.....supposed to be someone who's sauve and sophisticated(she works for a MNC) but also supposedly in tune with her Indian values,she walks into the room in a saree,visibly uncomfortable...
The boy's parents look at her,exchange glances with approving smiles while the girl's parent's try to gauge
their reaction with nervous anticipation...
now the gaze moves to the boy...'the decent guy'....
Now comes the moment....THE MOMENT OF HYPOCRISY....
the guy's parent's hope to read their son's face...they surely seem to believe that their son would by now have had a gud look at the girl'sassets..err..her facets...(oops!!...the author certainly doesn't seem decent..wink-wink)
Spare a thought for the poor guy....having been taught throughout life not to stare or look oddly at gals,he's now being asked to do exactly the same thing,by none other than his parents...that too with a dozen curious eyes staring at him in return.....what a pardox??
Spare a thought for the girl...being paraded like a showpiece in a museum with a very fair chance of being rejected...(the rejection has every chance of resulting from the whims and fancies of the guy's parents rather than the girl really being at fault)
The ways of the Indian society pinches me on occasions and tickles me almost everytime....hypocrisy is part and parcel of this set-up and people would rather keep mum and follow the beaten path than stand up and voice their opinion....Come-on guys!!...we deserve better....
Leave ' the decent guy 'aside...that may actually be too extreme an example...perhaps something which is more valid for small-town India...but still valid in the context of the country as a whole for accept it or not,small town India makes India what it is.....
I recognise the fact that it might not be possible for a majority of the people in our age group to voice their concerns when it concerns someone else in their families,for the simple reason that their opinions are simply not asked for....okkay!!...agreed...keep mum then if you want to....but a day will come when your parents would start looking for someone to partner you for the rest of your life(that is,only if you haven't found someone for yourself :D :D) ..You can certainly speak then...after all,its your life.
Move over this 'meeting-a-girl-rejecting her-moving over to the next' phenomenon...getting snubbed isn't that good a feeling after-all...and parents please....spare your children the horror..
Don't get me wrong,I'm no social activist...nor some gyaan-guru...I'm just another boy who refuses to be dragged into the tamasha that marriages have off-late turned into...
P.S-just to clear the air,I'm not getting married..in fact,I'm not even of a marriageable age...
but when I do,it's got to be an arranged one...yeah!!...I"ll arrange it myself ;)
Now,you might ask for an elaboration on the word 'decent'....
To put it bluntly,most of us use it to describe a guy in relation to his behaviour with the fairer sex..
So,our hero,the 'decent' guy is quintessentially someone who'd not ogle at girls,rarely engage in cheap talk about girls or more aptly,rarely engage in talks to girls altogether,try not to watch certain tv channels at home and of course(it's the clincher),marry the girl his parents choose for him....(at least thats how its done in the so called small-towns)
In this post,the author would like to concentrate on the first and the last attributes mentioned above....
Zoom into 2011,our hero has reached marriageable age and is taken to meet the family of the girl mommy and daddy dearest have chosen for him...
mind you,the 'decent' guy has never ogled at girls(however hot they might have been),talked rarely to girls even in the company of family,leave alone talking to them solo...
Zeroing in onto the current scene,here it is...a frame straight out of bollywood movie/saas-bahu serial(take your pick :D )
Our 'hero' is sitting between his parents,who are a proud set,the pride of their son's achievements very much evident on their faces...
"he doesn't even touch alcohol" the father beams with pride while saying this,notwithstanding the fact that he himself drinks like a fish...
the mother goes on to add"IIT mein toh first attempt mein hi select ho gaya tha hamara manu" again notwithstanding the fact that 'manu' hates being called by his pet name in public,not to mention the discomfort he feels when his mom waxes eloquent on his son's achievements in front of others...
Nevertheless,he dismisses all of those with an uneasy smile....
Enter the girl.....supposed to be someone who's sauve and sophisticated(she works for a MNC) but also supposedly in tune with her Indian values,she walks into the room in a saree,visibly uncomfortable...
The girl's nervous,the tray she's carrying only adding to her discomfort....she looks downwards,mom's instructions clearly ringing in her ears" लज्जा स्त्री का आभूषण होता है "
All eyes on her,she is seemingly at her graceful best...The boy's parents look at her,exchange glances with approving smiles while the girl's parent's try to gauge
their reaction with nervous anticipation...
now the gaze moves to the boy...'the decent guy'....
Now comes the moment....THE MOMENT OF HYPOCRISY....
the guy's parent's hope to read their son's face...they surely seem to believe that their son would by now have had a gud look at the girl's
Spare a thought for the poor guy....having been taught throughout life not to stare or look oddly at gals,he's now being asked to do exactly the same thing,by none other than his parents...that too with a dozen curious eyes staring at him in return.....what a pardox??
Spare a thought for the girl...being paraded like a showpiece in a museum with a very fair chance of being rejected...(the rejection has every chance of resulting from the whims and fancies of the guy's parents rather than the girl really being at fault)
The ways of the Indian society pinches me on occasions and tickles me almost everytime....hypocrisy is part and parcel of this set-up and people would rather keep mum and follow the beaten path than stand up and voice their opinion....Come-on guys!!...we deserve better....
Leave ' the decent guy 'aside...that may actually be too extreme an example...perhaps something which is more valid for small-town India...but still valid in the context of the country as a whole for accept it or not,small town India makes India what it is.....
I recognise the fact that it might not be possible for a majority of the people in our age group to voice their concerns when it concerns someone else in their families,for the simple reason that their opinions are simply not asked for....okkay!!...agreed...keep mum then if you want to....but a day will come when your parents would start looking for someone to partner you for the rest of your life(that is,only if you haven't found someone for yourself :D :D) ..You can certainly speak then...after all,its your life.
Move over this 'meeting-a-girl-rejecting her-moving over to the next' phenomenon...getting snubbed isn't that good a feeling after-all...and parents please....spare your children the horror..
Don't get me wrong,I'm no social activist...nor some gyaan-guru...I'm just another boy who refuses to be dragged into the tamasha that marriages have off-late turned into...
P.S-just to clear the air,I'm not getting married..in fact,I'm not even of a marriageable age...
but when I do,it's got to be an arranged one...yeah!!...I"ll arrange it myself ;)
FURIOUS!!exhaling fire!!
ReplyDeleteI also remember a such decent boy during my young age.A shy guy who could not make the best available decision(arranging himself).So not an extreme example........
hypocrisy is an uselessly essential part of our society.
Hopefully things are changing.diminishing female to male ratio is already adding to this change. Check with punjab and hariyana!
In Jharkhand tribes the pre marriage activities are more fair and shows higher degree of equality.
The younger generation and (younger) parents are coming forward towards changing this tamasha.
You are going to be one of the examples in future.Don't forget to invite us at that time........Wanna be a part of changing face of india.
I do think at times,hence pieces such as these :D :D
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note,I think the buck needs to stop somewhere...I've seen people go to ridiculous lengths just to find matches for their children,only for other factors to intervene later,namely,social status,dowry,the immediate relatives not liking the one chosen etc etc...
when its something concerning ones own life,I believe no one should have a say beyond a certain limit...mom-dad,of course,must have a say but its upto the parents to ensure that their right to have a say does not turn into an imposition for their child...for he might be one of the kind who are inspirations for such pieces to be written,THE DECENT GUYS....
as for my wedding,I reckon I'm too young to even think of a wedding....However,I do hope my parents would prove different(how I hope they read this :D)...after all,my thinking would have something to do with how my parents think :)
and yeah,you'll be invited for sure(if u manage to stick around through my writing that long) :) :)
good one! :)
ReplyDeletethank u maam...nice to hear from u after such a long hiatus....
ReplyDeletewanted to meet u wen u came bk to college but smhw cudnt,the senior-junior gap playing truant :(
just to let u know,ur writings are missed :(
Thanks a lot. Senior junior gap eh? come on, you are my state type! jamshedpur ryt? (just kidding.it really doesnt matter.)
ReplyDeleteYour writing has improved quite a lot must say.
As for me, I have been writing pretty much .. Only the blog is private these days.
There's a lot about the title of your post that makes me think and keeps me going as a writer. Nice to know it makes you think too! :)
(PS- Remove the word verification. It will be a lot easier to comment. Best wishes! )
rightly said mam..of course we are state types...but then I never met u in college,you being so senior to me,so felt a little awkward...
ReplyDeletehopefully,the next time I see you,I'll be brave enough to go up to you and exchange some pleasantaries :)
my writing's improved??...u r being kind mam...lol
As 4 word verification-point taken...after all,who doesn't love comments?? :D